Bored

This is not going to be a post about me being bored of not doing anything. This post is going to be how I am bored about how people treat me. Or maybe how they treat me is a reflection of how I treat myself: not appreciative. 

This morning I came across an article about the author being single at 35. I think she explained it to perfection about how I feel being single at the age of 28. I do advocate having my own time alone as that is truly important to me and is underrated in society. That being said, there are times I do get lonely and just wish I had someone who I could just cuddle with and talk silly the whole day. 

However, sometimes I find myself not telling the whole truth. That I have overly emphasised on the good of being alone that I forget to balance out my thoughts with my fears. I am scared that I would end up alone. The joy of never feeling someone's warmth next to you when you wake up is daunting. I have accepted and adapted as the author put it in her article. I'm doing what I'm doing because I have to in order to roll out of bed and function as a human being. I do things alone not because I always want to but because I HAVE TO.  I go to the movies alone because I do not have anyone other than a handful of people (and I mean maybe two?) that I want to share those moments with. I reserve my time for people I think would bring meaning to my life and not to merely fill up an empty spot in my heart or the seat next to me. As much as I love talking to people, I am picky with who I spend most of my time/days with. Not because I am stuck up or a being a bitch, but because I am at a place in my life where I want to reserve my heart and time for people who would teach me and help me grow spiritually, mentally and physically. 

If I do accept facts in my life that I have listed as above, I would end up dreaming of what ifs and what nots. That would be worst than never living. Letting the days pass as you dwell on things that are in your life will only cause you more pain and it truly is a waste of time. I cannot emphasise this more than ever. I have stumbled upon those kind of days where I just don't want to face the day as I may not want to face reality that hits you hard across the face. But I refused to accept defeat.

Why should I when I know I deserve better? I had a thought of physically engaging someone to feel more fulfilled but I know for a fact, it would only serve as a temporary measure and not something meant to be in my life permanently. I am glad that it hasn't worked out. Because I would allow myself to be taken for granted countless of times. And the worst part? I probably would have let the guy get away with murder. Such a pathetic trade I have come to realise. It is time for me to rise above this moments of stupidity and regrets. It is time for me to do things that make me happy and stop waiting around for something good to happen. I need to take matters into my own hands and pursue what I want. The people who matter would not come running after me but rather support me like a bedrock. Those who do run after me after my success would be humans I do not need in my good life because they were never there during the hardships to see my blood, sweat and tears.

I will do what I need to do to make my life a happy one for myself. And people who get in the way are not people who I need in my life, heart and soul. 

end  

Risen from the end of the world

Life does have its way of letting you coming face to face with your deepest and darkest fear. Maybe it's God's way of showing you that you create your own fear rather than there's something to be scared about. Well, as they always say only God knows why. 

Rather I am going to talk about what I know. I know that for a very long time I've afraid of corporate people. Yes. You heard it right. You know who I'm talking about. The man in the suit with the tie. I am not sure where this fear stemmed from. But I try to avoid them as much as possible. And if I do meet them, I get tongue-tied. You may ask then why did I take a job that would lead me to meet these people everyday. Just so you know, I consider politicians part of this group. They're the same deep down, trust me. It's all about numbers.

I am used to firing questions that needs to be asked towards politicians who obviously do not welcome it. But when I meet MIS (men in suits) at especially business-related functions, I clam up and go to my cave. I just do. I have nothing good to say to them. Or rather I don't know what to say to them. Especially when they start jabbering at subjects like stock markets and annual reports. I hate numbers to the very core. Maybe that is where the fear is born. Facing the very people who created this numbers. 

I am 27 this year. For 27 years, I have done a good job avoiding these people. And if I do meet them at assignments, I will merely exchange a few words and my name card. Period. 

Well, my skeleton in the closet has caught up to me after being kept hidden in a dark corner of my life with the key thrown into the river. Guess the key found its way to its hole. 

I am about to face a room full of people in suits in my company. The very people who control those numbers including my salary. Tuesday is a D-day for me. I have tried dancing around in circles for seven months just barely surviving. But time's up.

So what do I do?  Do I run away? or do I face the music? I have decided to face the music but barely. I just want this over and done with. A chapter of my life that I want to never make it into the pages so I don't need to flip those pages again. Then again, maybe I would after going through it and actually surviving of course. 

Till then...

Serenity

So I turned 27 on Thursday. Another year of has gone and passed so swiftly. I wished I had time to walk down memory lane but it would be a luxury to do so.

Frustration

"I feel like a crippled," I complaint. I was trying a walking stick when me and my boy were heading out. Here I am limping and feeling helpless. I had to DEPEND on this stick to get me around. My boyfriend went "Even the best athletes fall down". And it struck me. Athletes go through this countless of times. I can't imagine what Chong Wei went through when he was injured. The gold medal for the London Olympics was just within his reach but he probably has to let go of that dream.

"I was sooo freakin'close!"

Pix souce: The Star Online 

I injured my foot while running last Monday and I have been limping everywhere since then. I took it real hard. You name it. I whined, complaint and shed some tears to say the least. 

I have worked so hard since November to arrive to where I was- at my peak. I couldn't accept that all my hardwork, my blood, sweat and tears going down the drain. I lost 5.5 kg and I planned to lose more. More importantly, I was healthy and strong. 

Now, you won't be seeing me running around the neighbourhood easily for 30 mins a day for at least 2 weeks. And busting out a half an hour high intensity interval training after that by the way.

My boy reminded me that even the best athletes succumb to injuries. True, I thought.

Athletes have to train really hard before a major competition. An injury can be unforgiving.To go down like that is painful: not just physically but mentally. You think about all the time and effort you took to hone your skills and strength to arrive at this juncture, only to be taken away in a second.

But it reminded me how sportsmanship is important. I could go on all day and sulk. Kick up a fuss! (believe me I did). But like an athlete, injuries only make them determined more than ever to get back in the game. This is life. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. And I agree that to pick myself up and I need to put my chin up. My leg could have been broken and I would have to be on hiatus on my workout for a loooong time.

Thankfully, it isn't.

Pick yourself up when life hits you with another SURPRISE :)

 Pix source: http://www.beforehealth.co.cc/

So, I'm going to take the next two to three weeks as a time for me to reflect my life, read the books I bought that have been nicely collecting dusts on my desks... and just enjoy being a blob :P 

Although that doesn't mean I'm totally not going to workout. I'll wait till week two until I start again slowwwlyyyy... But be assured that I will reach my goal. This is just a small bump I'll get over to get to reach for MY stars ;)

Someone like you

 I found a post which I never got to post up. Here it goes:

I don't know if you're still watching over me. Or if you even miss me or think about me. I still do glance through the windows of time every now and then. I remember the sweet love and how the world would stop every time we look into each other's eyes. I wonder if you still do. Whether you've moved on. Whether you're holding someone else in your arms. Whether she makes you happy like I did. This video is dedicated to you. You know who you are. I hold no grudges or anger. I wish you all the best. Truly :). Hope you're watching...

yearning for...

i've always been the type who would've preferred to be alone,
what more with the number of fair-weathered people around me,
never did i imagine i would meet someone who i could not live without,
we've been inseparable eversince we first met,
distance doesn't make the heart grow fonder,
just more yearning and heartache,
you and i share the same footprints,
the same aches and joy,
so you can imagine how heartbreaking it is that you are at an unreachable distance now,
please come back soon,
as men (including the 'fairer' sex) cannot live by bread alone.

the death of a loved one

You were a part of me and now, you're dead. You're still walking among the living... lurking in the shadows of my past, present and future. But you aren't you anymore. Not the same one I once knew.
Why did you have to leave?
I love you.
Please come back.
Burying the memories of you is forbidden.
I don't want to.
I pray you won't give me reasons to do so.
I await for your return.

The 5th day of June

AS my birthday looms closer, I started thinking of the things I have learnt in the short span of one year. The longer i thought of it, the more I realised how much I've changed.

What's more, being part of the media for the past 3 months has changed the way I look at things. How I look at small details. How everything becomes clearer. I see both the urgliest and the most beautiful side of humans. A curse and a blessing in disguise.

They say ignorance is bliss. I say it isn't. As much as ignorance helps in the time of desperation from fear of the truth, it shields you from the best things God has to offer.

There's always a silver lining behind a cloud. It just takes some time or more for that lining to appear. but when it does, well... it sure is beautiful :)

the need to rant

Don't say I didn't warn you but basically yes, this is a post designated for...well, ranting. I just started working for a media company not too long ago and I can honestly say that... I love it.

Stressful does not even begin to express how things are of late. I haven't really been sleeping or eating right. Sometimes it's my off day but I get agitated and restless, thinking I should be working today. I know... quite a downer eh?

However, the experience is worth it. I have never felt so alive and so in tune with society until I joined the company.

I get to meet different people everyday. Mingle and socialise. Most importantly, I get to broaden my horizons as I am fed with new information and knowledge everyday. What more can one ask for?


Oh yeah, money. I knew that taking this step would require me to take a salary cut. But yeah, other than the moolah issues, am good.

Oh I learnt something very valuable during assignments: take everything with a pinch of salt. Everything. 'Nuff said.

Anyway am off to enjoy my offday! Nothing beats not needing to go through the horrible jam on a Monday!

Bye!~

Feb 14 :Take time to love & be happy

Note: This may be a bit late but hey, it's a message we can all take heed anytime of the year.

February 14 is the day that some couples embrace, some singles loathe and some may thoroughly enjoy it by celebrating love with their family and friends. Before you get all smoochy or dreadful, there is a rather important ingredient to remember before showering your love to someone else first.

Although showing your love to others is essential, it is also necessary to remember to love yourself. Someone once said that "You cannot experience true love until you learn to first love yourself." It's pure logic. When you do not love yourself, how do you expect to be happy? Happiness does not start from the other half, it starts from you yourself. When one is happy and confident on oneself, he or she will experience complete love as the underlying foundation is already filled with love, surety and self-respect. The other half will be there to reinforce what already exist - not fill it up from scratch for you.

So, whether you're attached or single, take some time off to indulge yourself in... yourself! Do things that make you happy once in awhile - it could be doing an activity that you thoroughly enjoy, making someone laugh or just doing something nice for someone else (maybe it's time for that dinner date you promised your parents some months back). Kicking in the happy hormone will make you feel good about yourself which translates to happier people around you.

Whether you're a man or woman who is attached or single, make February 14 a day that you look forward to and not dread :)

a new beginning beckons

A new beginning is sitting behind a door opened so readily for me to enter. Yet, I was hesitating. It shouldn't have been so hard since I was looking for this particular door for awhile now. It made me realise that after taking many turns, whether right or wrong, you start to wonder if the next turn IS the right one.

What I am about to embark in is going to be something beyond my capabilities - or so I thought- that I am seriously afraid of what is to come. What if it doesn't work out? What if I fail? Being a perfectionist, failure was never option. It was something deemed unacceptable. Ever.

However, challenge has always been my resolution. No matter how tough things get, I always try to be brave through the storm and finish first. It's funny how one person can have two very contradicting characters in her - being afraid of going into something totally out of this world and always wanting to seek challenges.

I wished I had answers to many questions I have in my brain. But I know only God has the answers and whether He plans on revealing them, is up to Him. After all the steep and high mountains I have climbed and always finished first, I believe my future is in safe hands. The fear of failure and perfection is a thing of the past. It is His calling to me that matters the most. I know that He has my interest in mind and knows what is best for me. I leave my life in Your hands, Lord. May You mould it, shape it and let it shine that many people will know what a great God you are. Amen.

reminiscence: trinkets of affection

A spring-clean through my folders and folders of photos led to the unfolding of some memories; there were some good and bad, painful but riveting and lastly, evidences of what I did to affirm my affections.

drooling for pancakes

Let me say this loud and clear: I am not merely a pancake addict; I am a Pancake House addict! It is safe to say that the only pancakes I'll ever eat are from Pancake House. I am totally hooked on every bit of that smashing blueberry pancake. Fluffy on the outside with delightful surprises in the inside, these yummy pancakes are worth every sen. Everyone who have tried it (even those who don't fancy pancakes in general, mind you) love them. I'll post up more pictures of the place and the food (of course!) soon. For the moment, enjoy... or should I say Bon Appétit!




Here's Susan. She was frustrated with the fact that I stopped her from gorging down her food to snap some photos of our meals before they disappeared in no time! :P

Anyway, I got to go catch some beauty sleep. It's late. And I have to look all dolled up at a conference that I have to attend tomorrow. GREAT.

Good night, peeps.

Congrats my dear friend

I know I'm late in posting this up, BC. This post is specially dedicated to you and your wife-to-be aka fiance, Mellisa.

For all the years I've known you, you have been there for me whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on, sharing great laughs on very random (and rather nonsensical) things and just being there for me as a good friend. You've never disappointed me.

I am so ecstatic that you and Melissa are finally tying the knot after dating for some time. I think you guys make a fantastic couple and I hope God will bless the both you. May His Grace shine upon you guys :)



Awwww... They were in tears when BC proposed on one knee in front of the whole congregation near Christmas. Ain't that sweet? :)

I love happy endings! Don't you? :)

the 5th last day of the year

I can honestly say today has been a bittersweet day. Firstly, sleeping at 5am on Boxing Day was no fun at all, especially since I had to wake up early to bake with my brother. But some conversations were necessary that earned brownie points (hah!) worthy enough that I willingly stayed up to.

Woke up at 11am. Rushed to the clinic to get 2 jabs on both arms. One for flu and the other for Hep B. The former was much-needed since I kept getting bitten by the flu bugs. The latter was a booster as I did have some antibodies left for that but needed a boost immediately. My left arm is still sore. I wonder if the jab there was for the flu or Hep A. Got one more jab left; for Hep A. I reserved that for this coming Monday or Tuesday. There's just so much trauma one can take on one's body. I even suffered a nauseous run in the evening thanks to the jabs :(

The baking parade started before I arrived home. Yup, leave it to me to crash it! Hehe... We made two types of cookies! One is oats with cinnamon and the other is my fav. Listen up OK? BIG SOFT GINGER COOKIES! yummmmm.... I leave you with pictures of us cooking (or rather, BAKING) up a storm at the dining area.











yummyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy oat cinnamon biscuits :)

Ho ho ho....

Today has been a rather progressive and fulfilling day. In the early morning of today, the eve of Christmas Eve, I had my appraisal done with my boss. I would say it was rather fruitful and I hope something good will come out from the whole discussion. I'm glad she kept an open mind although I would've preferred that the personal comment was skipped altogether.

After that, I had to rushed through my work since we have important people coming tomorrow. Yes, I'm spending Christmas Eve in the office. How sad is that? :(

We had a training for new products. Pretty excited about these new stuff. I am rather intrigued with the whole history of the product and the resurrection of it the past few years. I hope we could market it real well here. Because... that would mean more moolah :) The conductor of the training flew in all the way from the States. So, that was pretty entertaining. I took a lot of pictures today. And i mean A LOT. The shutters were probably weary at the end of it. Poor thing.

I'm bummed about spending Christmas Eve within the four walls of the office. Four walls of home would definitely brighten up the day. We'll see.

I leave you with pictures of some deco I saw at Kepong. I think they're pretty cool eventhough very simple compared to over-spending and trying-too-hard decorations in our major malls.



Toodles!

xoxo,

Mei

It's a holi-holi-day!

Well... soon anyway. But the festive season is definitely getting to me. Me and my bro made a pack to bake this Christmas. It's definitely going to be jolly ho ho ho for our family and friends! We promise to make it real nice and edible :) We'll get started once my flu subside. Wouldn't want some 'extra' flavour in there, right?

Oh, guess what was in the mail today? :)


Thanks, Murni :) You're the best! Am loving the complimentary hairclip & in coral too (mmm... my fav!). Loving what you see here? Mimpi Murni blog is the No. 1 accessories blogshop that I'll stalk (that is when my moolah permits me to, of course ;) )

Check out her vintage-y accessories all handmade with love by Murni herself. You can also catch her at bazaars and events to meet the lady herself in the flesh and get 20% off her collections! (pssstt... You can subscribe to her updates so you'll never ever have to miss ANY updates! Believe me, you'll regret if you don't.) Did I also mention her designs are usually one-of-a-kind? It's quite rare that she repeats designs since most of the pieces are dated as far back as in the 1950s! More reasons for you to stalk her site :D

Back on today's events, I was out the whole day. Had my hair trimmed and straightened the front :) Will show you pics of them later!

I gotta go! Gonna indulge and stuff myself with lots of sushi today :D

Bye!

xoxo,

Mei

FReaking Out!

I know about writer's getting mental blocks but I never knew it would be this bad. I've run out of ideas. Seriously.

It's been happening for a few weeks now and it's not pretty I tell you. I have so many things to rush. What is a woman to do??

I've been writing. Blindly. I don't get visions on how I want my article to look like anymore. The BIG IDEA. NADA. Why?? Some say it's due to stress and pressure. Freaking myself out now. Some say maybe I lost my confidence in writing. Maybe it's both? Arghhh...

Even my boss (who's a writer himself btw) realised that. He said I have become like other writers. I don't question much anymore. I don't get the big picture. I just write. It's true. But I don't know how to get out of it. Think I need to invest in a good book to read to clear my mind.

Or... The best? Holiday! But it's only my 4th month working at the company. Then again, what I've been doing can equal to a year's worth of work. I don't know. Maybe I DID lose my confidence and curiousity. Think my creativity's dying too.

IF anyone out there have any piece of (functional and constructive of course) advice, please do tell me.

Anyway, need to sleep.


Mei'z Mood Tonight: Missing MR C.

Tagged :S

I got tagged by Bernard Cheah. Ish. I don't usually do tags but since it's Christmas, I thought why not.

Rules:
Each player of this game writes about his/her Christmas wishes. People who get tagged need to visit your blog to find out more, and then write about the same topic in their blogs. Player must state the rules clearly, and pass this on by tagging the same number of people. To tag someone, leave a comment in his/her blog and tell them that they have been tagged. Number of blogger to tag: up to you.

So, the following is my personal Christmas wish list in not a particular order (random stuff la):

1) Mum and some of the people very close to me to be super happy
2)An unusual Marcasite cross pendant I saw at a mall. Super nice. Super expensive. RM50 ><
3) A new sunglasses
4) A car
5) A driving license (I doubt anyone can fulfill that except God, me and the guys at JPJ)
6) A trip to Colmar at Bukit Tinggi :)
7) To lose more weight but more importantly, to be healthy.
8) To graduate with a first class honours. Hehe.

With that done, I'm am tagging:-

1) Deborah
2) Hui Chuan
3) Darshini
4) Ashley
5) Lydia Wan

Ok. It's 1 hour before Christmas. hehe. Yay :D

Sense of humour much needed

I haven't been blogging for...God knows how long.

I feel the past few weeks have been stressful for a lot of us, JRians. Class politics becoming more apparent. We blame it on anger built-ups over the years and crappy assignments given to us on our FINAL semester. (Hey earth to J.S. and the uni staffs, it's only a 7 weeks semester!! Gives us a break already!)

Moving along...

Today, classes were real dead. Lecturer was asking us to answer her questions and all of us look with 'O' on our mouths. Nevertheless, we tried our best to answer the questions on a step-by-step basis. Here's one of them.

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Question 1:

Rewrite the following print article to a broadcast script.

The state of the X (country) economy looks good with the GDP growth maintaining a robust rate. Nevertheless, the problems in the country’s economy is inflation, which is understated at a CPI (Consumer Price Index) of 2.50.

The country is also no longer in an attractive position in the foreign investors’ radar and this will take a toll on the economy in the longer term.

1) Create a headline

Answer 1: X's economy still healthy.
Answer 2: X's economy still sunny.
Answer 3: X's economy still healthy but inflated. o_O



2) Rewrite the article to make it sound better on the ears.

The country is also no longer in an attractive position in the foreign investors’ radar and this will take a toll on the economy in the longer term.

Answer 1: X is becoming less attractive to foreign investors and this will affect the economy in the long term.
Answer2: X needs a bikini and a sexy pose to gain more foreign attention. ><"

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Yup we tried our best despite us being so stoned and brain-dead for intelligent questions. Let's just say the lecturer was not impress. XD

Think this could serve as a gentle(?) reminder to take time to unwind and breathe in and out (wuuuu-saaaaaa...). This especially goes out to my classmates.

Now, to get back to my thesis or to be more accurate (we future journalists suppose to be anyway), final year project.

Take care peeps!

Ta~